yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How's work?
Spinning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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