i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Terrible idea I love it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
