are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
