I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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