He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
