and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
