I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
