I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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