You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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