I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
