Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
