Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
