Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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