i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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