You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
