So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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