I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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