You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would ride that face into the sunset
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
