i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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