apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
