Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
