First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
