Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
