he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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