Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
