your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
