ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
