thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize