You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
