And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
