Kareoke will never be a sober sport
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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