Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
