I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
