Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
