She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
