i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
