If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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