I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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