At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
