I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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