i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
