i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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