I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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