do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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