so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
