If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
