your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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