I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
