I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
