this just has baby written all over it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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