well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
