Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
