Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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