So drunk its hurt
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
