His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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