No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
