drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want to make out with him forever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
