She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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