he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
