I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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