1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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