what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
