Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
