I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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