we have pet lesbian snakes
My hand turned me down
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
