Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
