Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
