i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize