Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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