I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
