I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
