take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize