whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
