i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
