i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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