my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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