ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
