How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
