oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
