The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
