i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
