you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
