don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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