At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
