It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
