this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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