"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
