I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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