i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
