Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
