I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
