If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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