so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
