Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
