Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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