how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
