my sisters under your porch take her home
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
