Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
