I CAN MOONWALK!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
