Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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