phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
