Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize