Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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