Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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