after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
