I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
